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: you applied your own tourniquet. >> yes. >> jon: and stayed in command of... wow. i mean, i'm honestly speechless. it's a remarkable story, and the one thing, as remarkable as the heroism in that is, is your remarkable heroism and your brothers and all the service people, as extraordinary as your acts were, what's really extraordinary is your ordinary service, the six tours in afghanistan and the two tours in iraq and all that you've done without commendation. i'm so pleased and honored that you would here today. i just wanted to thank you personally for not just your heroism but just your service, which is extraordinary in and of itself. i thank you so much for being here. do you have a couple minutes? we'll talk a little bit. we're going to throw it up on the web, the second part. we're going to stay here. it's just an honor to see you, sir. sergeant first class leroy petry. we're going to you could save a bundle with geico's multi-policy discount. geico, saving people money on more than just car insurance. ♪ geico, saving people money on more than just ca
: you applied your own tourniquet. >> yes. >> jon: and stayed in command of... wow. i mean, i'm honestly speechless. it's a remarkable story, and the one thing, as remarkable as the heroism in that is, is your remarkable heroism and your brothers and all the service people, as extraordinary as your acts were, what's really extraordinary is your ordinary service, the six tours in afghanistan and the two tours in iraq and all that you've done without commendation. i'm so pleased and...
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Jul 14, 2011
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[laughter] >> jon: really? >> i don't make the rules, jon. jon >> jon: look. if even that guy raised taxes, doesn't that at least challenge the current republican belief system? >> cynics like you are always looking for doctrinal contradictions. >> jon: the rich now have way more wealth and income even since the 80s. republicans think tax cuts raise revenue, why not cut taxes to zero. >> jon, let me tell you parable. a holy man was in the desert and the multitudes came and said, we have no food. he said, here are five loaves and two fishes and so it was that the holy man and one of his friends sat down and ate a [bleeped] load of fish sandwiches. [laughter] >> jon: what about... [applause] what about the multitudes? >> what about 'em? are you suggesting that socialist redistribution of fish and bread? why punish the most successful fisherman? >> jon: look, i don't think i understand this parable's message. how do the multitudes eat? >> that's not the holy man's problem. am i my brother's keeper? >> jon: that's a biblical saying. cain said that when he's trying
[laughter] >> jon: really? >> i don't make the rules, jon. jon >> jon: look. if even that guy raised taxes, doesn't that at least challenge the current republican belief system? >> cynics like you are always looking for doctrinal contradictions. >> jon: the rich now have way more wealth and income even since the 80s. republicans think tax cuts raise revenue, why not cut taxes to zero. >> jon, let me tell you parable. a holy man was in the desert and the...
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Jul 15, 2011
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>> jon: that's our show. join us next week at 11:00. here it, is your moment of zen. >> this is the last time that there's ever going to be harry potter film premier. it's like the end of an era. >> oh, my gosh, i'm so >> stephen: tonight, will a scandal bring down rupert murdoch? no. then a new threat from gitmo detainees. if they get any more dangerous, we might have to charge them with something. and my guest is jose antonio vargas, who recently admitted being an illegal immigrant. my original guest was the american whose job he stole. who has two thumbs and is incredibly bad at gesturing at himself? this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme song playing] [cheering and applause] >> stephen: thank you for joining us, everybody. [audience chanting "stephen"] oh, that's nice. thank you for joining us. you know, once these people... once these people start chanting my name, you can't stop them. [laughter] folks, i want to say hello to everybody watching in america, especially to our viewers in italy. wel
>> jon: that's our show. join us next week at 11:00. here it, is your moment of zen. >> this is the last time that there's ever going to be harry potter film premier. it's like the end of an era. >> oh, my gosh, i'm so >> stephen: tonight, will a scandal bring down rupert murdoch? no. then a new threat from gitmo detainees. if they get any more dangerous, we might have to charge them with something. and my guest is jose antonio vargas, who recently admitted being an...
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Jul 13, 2011
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. >> jon: not at all. great to see you, man. >> thanks for having me on. >> come back and see us again some time when you're putting together anything excited we need to know about. >> no, pretty much just wanted to come on the show for the people that really hate me. some people just don't like anything about me. i'm still here. can i tell you something? >> jon: he's a very pleasant man. fun at parties. that is correct, as well. "born free" is in the stores right now. you can catch kid rock on tour. you can buy bad ass beer. you can only buy it in singles, though, unfortunately. >> only in michigan. >> jon: only in michigan and only in singles. good to see you. kid rock. [cheering and applause] what's up, smart? oh, just booked a summer vaycay. ooo. sounds pricey? nah, with the hotels.com summer sale, you can find awesome deals for places nearby. interesting... wow, i'm blown away. you look great. hotels.com summer sale, save up to 30%. and get a free kindle. hotels.com. be smart. book smart. >> jon: that
. >> jon: not at all. great to see you, man. >> thanks for having me on. >> come back and see us again some time when you're putting together anything excited we need to know about. >> no, pretty much just wanted to come on the show for the people that really hate me. some people just don't like anything about me. i'm still here. can i tell you something? >> jon: he's a very pleasant man. fun at parties. that is correct, as well. "born free" is in the...
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Jul 29, 2011
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(cheers and applause) >> jon: i'm sorry. >> this is isn't even mine. >> jon: hi no idea, law. i had no idea, dodd frank, that you have been through some of. >> you don't know what you're talking about. you haven't seen the things i've seen. >> jon: i know. >> ♪ i'm just a law ♪ but my ass [bleep] and my balls put through a circular saw ♪ ♪ and every one ♪ who swore up and down to support me ♪ ♪ now they walk ♪ late term abort me ♪ last night i got hit by a car ♪ ♪ it's gone too far ♪ for this law ♪ did you i mention my ass was at [bleep] ♪ so, what are we going to do with this? i don't know. the usual? [ blower whirring ] sometimes it pays to switch things up. my - what, my hair? no. car insurance. i switched to progressive and they gave me discounts for the time i spent with my old company. saved a bunch. that's a reason to switch. big savings -- it's a good look for you. [ blower whirring ] [blower stops] the safety was off. out there with a better way. now, that's progressive. >> jon: welcome back to the show. earlier tonight we saw how the dodd
(cheers and applause) >> jon: i'm sorry. >> this is isn't even mine. >> jon: hi no idea, law. i had no idea, dodd frank, that you have been through some of. >> you don't know what you're talking about. you haven't seen the things i've seen. >> jon: i know. >> ♪ i'm just a law ♪ but my ass [bleep] and my balls put through a circular saw ♪ ♪ and every one ♪ who swore up and down to support me ♪ ♪ now they walk ♪ late term abort me ♪ last night...
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Jul 29, 2011
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is jon stewart, man! do we have a good show for you tonight. tonight's guest peter tomsen, author of a new book "the wars of afghanistan" that's right, plural, wars. as you know, debt ceiling discussions, coming down to the wire. political leaders on both sides pulling out all the stops. all the stops. like the kind of stops that high school football coaches use before homecoming games in particular at thiscious small towns. >> kevin mccarthy a third ranking republican in the house urged republicans to unite behind boehner's plan by showing this clip from the movie "the town" >> the town? (laughter) "the town", no rudy-- "rudy" "brian song" or "300" or "rocky" or "rocky 2" or "rocky 3" or really any of the "rockies" you went with the boston bank rubbers in nun costumes clip. >> well, there is going to be good. (laughter) let's see the clip-- (cheers and applause) >> that the republicans used, let's see the clip that the republicans used to urge their hard line tea party freshman coalition to drop their ob
is jon stewart, man! do we have a good show for you tonight. tonight's guest peter tomsen, author of a new book "the wars of afghanistan" that's right, plural, wars. as you know, debt ceiling discussions, coming down to the wire. political leaders on both sides pulling out all the stops. all the stops. like the kind of stops that high school football coaches use before homecoming games in particular at thiscious small towns. >> kevin mccarthy a third ranking republican in the...
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Jul 15, 2011
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sir. >> jon: and it was a raid. is that unusual to be on a day raid like that? >> for us it is unusual. >> jon: you're an army ranger. >> yeah, we don't normally do daylight raids, but the necessity to get out there and get this high value target and the time of day, we had to act on it. >> jon: in the beginning of it, you are wounded early on in the fight? >> yes, shot through both thighs. i actually didn't realize it until i got to the medics later, but i thought i was just shot in the left leg. it had stuck in there or something. i didn't feel it go all the way through both legs. so i was running around doing things for a little bit. [laughter] i know that sounds odd. >> jon: i could stop you there. and be very proud of your service and all you did. so in this... now, you are really a veteran in this group. you have been to afghanistan. this was your sixth tour. and you had two tours in iraq. >> actually, it was my fifth tour. i've been back since. >> jon: you've been back to afghanistan for another tour since yo
sir. >> jon: and it was a raid. is that unusual to be on a day raid like that? >> for us it is unusual. >> jon: you're an army ranger. >> yeah, we don't normally do daylight raids, but the necessity to get out there and get this high value target and the time of day, we had to act on it. >> jon: in the beginning of it, you are wounded early on in the fight? >> yes, shot through both thighs. i actually didn't realize it until i got to the medics later, but i...
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Jul 20, 2011
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name is jon stewart. big show. big, big, big, big, big show. our guests tonight, we have on tonight's program pakistan's former president pervez musharraf. my guess is we'll have a delightful beverage and a lovely conversation. (cheers and applause) so let's begin tonight with the on going "news of the world" phone hacking scandal. to get you caught up, a seemingly simple story. ma and pa owned newspaper hacking into a murdered little girl's phone and... (laughter). ... paying the police to cover it up. has unfortunately turned ugly. (laughter) as of now, london's two top policemen at scotland yard let's call them officer blu rotton has resigned. andrew colton has been arrested and sunday tragically authorities arrested poor mrs. weasley. (laughter) wait, no that's not mrs. weasley. sorry, tragically, authorities arrested the guy from simply red. yeah, that's it. actually, arrested was rebekah brooks, the woman who ran "news of the world" during the worst of-- as the british call them-- the troubles. (lau
name is jon stewart. big show. big, big, big, big, big show. our guests tonight, we have on tonight's program pakistan's former president pervez musharraf. my guess is we'll have a delightful beverage and a lovely conversation. (cheers and applause) so let's begin tonight with the on going "news of the world" phone hacking scandal. to get you caught up, a seemingly simple story. ma and pa owned newspaper hacking into a murdered little girl's phone and... (laughter). ... paying the...
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but we can't turn our backs on the world, jon. i know you would like to. i don't want to fight a strawman here. >> jon: i'm very fond of the world. ( laughter ) i don't want people to get hurt-- >> and the world is very fond of you. >> jon: right now, the military and military families are bearing an overwhelming weight of these wars, and it's not fair what they're going through, and i just feel like we have to come up way whole new strategy, that's all. ( applause ) i'm always happy to have you on the show. >> i agree with the last statement to some degree. i do -- >> you qualify everything. >> if you go to the pentagon they'll say that, the army and marines are fighting the war and the rest of the country is watching. there's some truth to that. on the other hand it's hard to know how to help but there's a lot of truth that. >> jon: thanks so much for coming by. bill kristol, everybody. you could save a bundle with geico's multi-policy discount. geico, saving people money on more than just car insurance. ♪ geico, saving people money on more than just c
but we can't turn our backs on the world, jon. i know you would like to. i don't want to fight a strawman here. >> jon: i'm very fond of the world. ( laughter ) i don't want people to get hurt-- >> and the world is very fond of you. >> jon: right now, the military and military families are bearing an overwhelming weight of these wars, and it's not fair what they're going through, and i just feel like we have to come up way whole new strategy, that's all. ( applause ) i'm...
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>> jon: the anti-romney. he's a handsome mormon ex-governor with perceived softness on social issues. ( laughter ) he's not the anti-romney. he's the candidate for people who would vote for romney but are concerned romney has too much name recognition. ( laughter ) come on, people! give me somebody truly different. >> i personally think michele bachman, your colleague, is going to be a real challenger to mitt romney. >> jon: there you go, michele bachman. she couldn't be more different. he's a man. she's a lady. he's tall. she's short. he looks directly into the camera. she looks just to the right of it. ( laughter ) her campaign got off to a running start when she declared her candidacy in her birth place of waterloo, iowa. >> what i want them to know is just like john wayne was from woortly, iowa, that's the spirit i have, too. >> it looks like she got her john waynes confused. john wayne lived about 150 miles away from waterloo. john wayne gacy, who raped and killed 33 men and boys did live in waterloo bef
>> jon: the anti-romney. he's a handsome mormon ex-governor with perceived softness on social issues. ( laughter ) he's not the anti-romney. he's the candidate for people who would vote for romney but are concerned romney has too much name recognition. ( laughter ) come on, people! give me somebody truly different. >> i personally think michele bachman, your colleague, is going to be a real challenger to mitt romney. >> jon: there you go, michele bachman. she couldn't be more...